What if You’re Wrong?

  I once counseled a woman who had a central story she told herself about her love life.  “God,” she said, “Does not want me to be loved.” 

  She told me her story. Crystal was born a girl, but her mother had really wanted a boy. Her mother often told her the reason Crystal was so homely is because she was supposed to be a boy.

  In her late teens, Crystal did meet someone and they married and had a child, but it didn’t last long. He left her and his duties as a father. Although she had her son, she was“alone” again.

  It was safe to say that Crystal had a couple boyfriends. They would move in and out of her life like a season. When they needed a place to stay or someone to love them, they headed Crystal’s way. Crystal was an incredibly loving person. Each boyfriend seemed to understand Crystal’s belief that she was not meant to be loved. Crystal told me, “They came because they knew they wouldn’t have to give me anything in return.”

  Hearing Crystal’s story and how much of her life was based on it, I certainly had compassion for her. There was only one question I could ask, however. “What if you’re wrong?”

  “What if God does want you to be loved?” For Crystal this idea not only fundamentally challenged the way she lived, “I am here for others, not the other way around,” but her sense of purpose.

  Crystal was only forty years old. There was time for meaningful love. Sometimes significant change doesn’t come from creating a new story, but simply by having a willingness to let the current story go.

  Perhaps there’s a story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are or about the way life is, that’s served its purpose? We should be willing to ask ourselves, “What if I’m wrong?” Let us not rush to a new story to tell ourselves, but open ourselves to the possibilities of what might be–a truth that we don’t have to narrate, but that is already there, ready to be told if we are willing to accept it.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.