Relationship is Harmony

revjoshareeves1.JPG  I’m always a little surprised to hear someone describe their relationship in terms of conflicts.  Conflict, to me, is the opposite of relationship.  It is not relating.  So if you describe your relationships as a series of conflicts, it might be best to say that you are in a committed and faithful conflict than relationship.
When we understand that relationship is the act of relating, we know how to overcome all of our conflicts.  Relate.  Seek harmony.  It is then that we can make healthier choices for ourselves and as couples.
How do we relate?  How do we get along?  We listen.  We share honestly and respectfully.  We release our preconceived judgment and recognize that our version may not be the only of events.
Relationship is harmony.  Conflicts, strife, frustration, these are isolating.  The key to harmony in relationship does not begin in our relationships with others, but with the layers of relating within ourselves.
I’m amazed at myself when one day someone I’m in a relationship can do or say something that will completely drive me crazy causing me to be bitter and angry, and the next day they could do the exact same thing, and my response will be compassionate and understanding.  What’s up with that?
On one day, its, “Have you no respect for me, you’re so self-centered.”  Or “I can’t live like this.”   The next, it is “Oh you, you, you.”  This seems really complex to me, but I guess it really is just every episode of “I Love Lucy” I have ever seen.
  If in our relationships we could seek harmony, we might avoid the drama.  And if one day I can react completely differently to my partner’s behavior than the next, what does that tell me?  The conflict is in me.  It is in my relationship with myself, which again, if I am in conflict with, I am in not much in relationship at all.
  My harmony with myself directly affects my ability to be in harmony with my partner.  How can I get along with her if I can’t get along with myself? Like a runny nose being a symptom of a cold and not the virus, so what happens in our circumstances in relationships are often symptoms of the lack of harmony in our own inner lives. I am also amazed at how one day I can engage in a behavior and react with such viciousness towards myself and the next day with forgiveness and encouragement.  “I can’t you believe you ate that whole bag of potato chips,” one day,  “Mmm, those potato chips we’re so good,” the next.
The relating goes even deeper than us.  Our relationship with existence itself creeps in.  My harmony with others is reflective of my harmony with myself is reflective of my harmony with life.
  If my relationship with life is keeping it at arms length, grumbling that it’s not fair, or boring, or not enough, that shows up in how I treat myself.  That shows up in how I treat my partner.
  I’d suggest the next time your partner does something to upset you, go straight to your relationship with life.  Maybe you won’t find anything, but maybe you will, an unresolved conflict keeping you from a greater level of love and connection in your life.  Maybe you can correct it before you put further divide between you and your partner?  Not by any act of your own, but just by getting closer in your own consciousness to what life really means to you.
Pondering some of life’s greatest metaphysical questions can sometimes give us great insights into how we approach our relationships.  Is there life after death? Does any of this mean anything?  Why am I here?  In turn, our relationships can reveal to us the meaning of life as well in powerful ways. To look to the wordless message of your partner’s hand in your own…to just laugh, sometimes offers us more than the wisest scripture.

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